Bush Quickly Unveils Kewl Contest for New “Environmented” Slogans

By & © Danby Nickles at 2yearsago (Friday~17 ¾ minutes ago…)

D.C. - President G. W. Bush is making it crystal clear that he will not exempt “nearly nobody from getting environmented.” This most recent revelation rams the proverbial shopping cart hard into the ankles of the earlier (late Monday evening) revelation that the president was repeatedly kicked in the head by a pet goat when he was but a wee toddler–or perhaps in his thirties; as usual the Bush camp is pretty darn cagey about details which might hypothetically impact national security.

“Look, I acknowledges there is a serious–I said sear–it’s a bad problem with the environment. I been tellin’ folks for days we oughta be doing something about it,” Bush proudly confided in a speech during his self-titled Dubya’s White-Colored House Meeting for Starting to Getting More Environmented 2007 With A Little Drinkin’ After. “I want to help American citizens learn ways not to screw up the—not to damage our gentle environment. They needs to stop f___ing it up.”

And just in time, Bush revealed that the aforementioned “White-Colored House” has created a contest of sorts to duly inspire the befuddled masses: “Send an Environmented Slogan to Dubya” kicks off this very next week.

“This isn’t about no brow beatin’. We’re not a nation of brow beaters, not at all,” Bush said.“Climate change–that’s a real toughie. We needs to admit that it may be real and might reach the earth someday. There’ll be no way we can stop it if we don’t have a better, uh, missile to get it before it lands. We’ll need to encourage new technologies that can help us deal with that sucker”, Bush stated while perspiring and winking. “And encourage some cool slogans to help get us more environmented. I think we can all commit to that.”

As usual, the president noticeably rigidifies when any mention of emissions-reduction rears its Mothra-esque noggin, creating the lasting impression that under this stoic exterior, surely here is a man who lives a dual life, a man seething with unresolved issues and existential angst, a man prone to taking long, brooding midnight walks deep in the bowels of his stately White-Colored House, perhaps while wearing a hand-sewn, caped outfit emblazoned with some sort of menacing logo–or perhaps not.

“Y’know, it’d be great if them new slogans have something to do with chickens. I think some animation chickens would be great. I mean, if they go that direction. And they better.”